Dad

How do you ever get over losing a parent or loved one?

I don't think you ever do. 

The quiet and the unexpected times are when it catches up with you. Right? I know without a doubt the tears will fall as I write this post. I also predict that this week when the children are back in school and Jason is back at work - then is when I think the grieving will happen. Not that I haven't grieved - I have. 

Yet, with everything that happened, time went by in a haze, as I walked in circles like a zombie, booked my flight and car for my trip back to Wales and I decorated for Christmas in one week! It normally takes me one whole week just to do the inside. Outside didn't happen this year. But that is okay. I needed to go home. Home to Wales. Home to say goodbye to my dad.

December 5th at 5.40am. 

My heart broke.

It broke once before on Jan 5th, 2010 when my mam passed, and it broke again on December 5th, 2022 again when my dad passed away.

I am thankful for one thing - technology. I was able to Skype with my sisters and Aunt Linda and be there in the room with them as my dad passed. The heartache and pain I know we all felt were tremendous. Something I will never forget or want to. The following week was each morning on Skype with all my sisters as we figured out everything. 

The week I was in Wales went by in a manic rush of doing and organizing. Judith and I were the ones driving around to the Solicitors, the county council, and my best friend Lisa, who owns her own flower shop to choose the flowers, the funeral home, shopping for items for my dad's wake. Even the night before the funeral, adapting two tablecloths into scarves to wear. LOL This is one heck of a story to tell. 

Judith and I went to see dad when he was brought to the funeral home. I needed to see my dad in person. To hold his hand and say goodbye. Judith came with me. We cried hard, giggled, and chatted with our dad. Even though he'd passed, he was there. 

I miss you, dad. I am missing you still.

I see you every day - you sit on the left of my writing desk - the picture at Dan-y-Ogaf caves - where mam told you to look frightened with the T-Rex behind you. Also, to my right, is the picture of us all at Carreg Cennen.  

The funeral.

How is it this is the only time you get to see extended family? It was lovely, even through a sad time to see everyone. The service was what all of us sisters planned. I will at some point post my dad's Eulogy.  My daughter Jodi, as well as Judith, and myself, read a poem, the one I read is below. 

Poem Jodi read - Come with me.

Poem Judith read - The Star

We sang Calon Lan, Ar Hyd yr Nos, and Abide with me.

I Miss you daddy xx