Dad

How do you ever get over losing a parent or loved one?

I don't think you ever do. 

The quiet and the unexpected times are when it catches up with you. Right? I know without a doubt the tears will fall as I write this post. I also predict that this week when the children are back in school and Jason is back at work - then is when I think the grieving will happen. Not that I haven't grieved - I have. 

Yet, with everything that happened, time went by in a haze, as I walked in circles like a zombie, booked my flight and car for my trip back to Wales and I decorated for Christmas in one week! It normally takes me one whole week just to do the inside. Outside didn't happen this year. But that is okay. I needed to go home. Home to Wales. Home to say goodbye to my dad.

December 5th at 5.40am. 

My heart broke.

It broke once before on Jan 5th, 2010 when my mam passed, and it broke again on December 5th, 2022 again when my dad passed away.

I am thankful for one thing - technology. I was able to Skype with my sisters and Aunt Linda and be there in the room with them as my dad passed. The heartache and pain I know we all felt were tremendous. Something I will never forget or want to. The following week was each morning on Skype with all my sisters as we figured out everything. 

The week I was in Wales went by in a manic rush of doing and organizing. Judith and I were the ones driving around to the Solicitors, the county council, and my best friend Lisa, who owns her own flower shop to choose the flowers, the funeral home, shopping for items for my dad's wake. Even the night before the funeral, adapting two tablecloths into scarves to wear. LOL This is one heck of a story to tell. 

Judith and I went to see dad when he was brought to the funeral home. I needed to see my dad in person. To hold his hand and say goodbye. Judith came with me. We cried hard, giggled, and chatted with our dad. Even though he'd passed, he was there. 

I miss you, dad. I am missing you still.

I see you every day - you sit on the left of my writing desk - the picture at Dan-y-Ogaf caves - where mam told you to look frightened with the T-Rex behind you. Also, to my right, is the picture of us all at Carreg Cennen.  

The funeral.

How is it this is the only time you get to see extended family? It was lovely, even through a sad time to see everyone. The service was what all of us sisters planned. I will at some point post my dad's Eulogy.  My daughter Jodi, as well as Judith, and myself, read a poem, the one I read is below. 

Poem Jodi read - Come with me.

Poem Judith read - The Star

We sang Calon Lan, Ar Hyd yr Nos, and Abide with me.

I Miss you daddy xx

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The Last 5 Months

When do we realize our lives are fleeting moments of love, laughter, joy, days that fly by, days that seem to go slower than a snail's pace, hard days, good days, sad days, and even, those weird, Meh days! If we are honest with ourselves, we all experience days like that.

Me... Sheesh ...Yes, all of those days mentioned above, I have lived and will continue to experience for the rest of my life of that I am sure. We should allow ourselves leeway and grace when any of those days come, and give ourselves a pass to not feel guilty on the days we feel like MEH... 

This brings me here and I'm again playing catch up.  If I am honest, when I started this blog it was to keep myself from losing the last marble of my sanity when at the age of 42 we moved cross-country with 2 young children ages 4 & 2, and into a 600 sq ft student apartment when Jason went to WI to get his master's in computer science. I know, I shouldn't complain about the size of the place we lived in back then -  I know there are many out there who don't even have that, and that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to see anyone on the street corner asking for help. At times I have given money, I even went and bought food for them and I hope I never have to be in that position. However, what I'm trying to get across is that being in a second marriage, already having 5 children, having two more little ones, and the prospect of what in all reality was pretty much me being a single parent while Jason went to school full time, studied then came home around 6-8pm ate dinner then did his part-time job... And me juggling the rest. 

My blog became my new way of journaling. To try out new ways to craft, bake and cook, and to improve my keyboard and writing skills. I've noticed life since moving back from WI has changed and for me, my writing took over. Yes, I still bake and cook,  go to church, plan activities for the church, move cross-country again lol, and these past 5 months, we have taken a family holiday to Walt Disney World, fly back to Utah In August to see Backstreet boys in concert, and September started the new year of kids school, October came and Halloween, our first in MD, then poof November and my 52nd birthday! Yep.....I said my age - and if I am honest, I can't quite believe that I am 52. Yes, some days my body and its aches remind me of my age and this morning, I noticed on my right, forefinger knuckle! UGH... It is looking like the beginnings of the stupid arthritis knuckle! EEK. Don't like that - Like what in the world right. Aging. I don't know if we ever are 100%with it lol.

I, also, got to go see Richard Marx for my birthday gift :) Which was amazing! I got to meet him too :)

Then December came and our kitchen remodel - done by Bray & Scarff finally got finished, well not 100% because we are ripping out the floor on the main floor so the contractor still needs to come back and put the toe-kicks and legs on the island in. So, for me, December which is normally a month when I can't wait to decorate for Christmas was a little out of whack but then morphed into sadness and loss.  A day my sisters knew would come at some point, however, are any of us ever ready for when that point in time happens and we lose a parent. Our only remaining parent. *I'll do a separate post for my dad.

Also, the day I got back to Wales was Carys' first gymnastics showcase - which Jason and Seren attended and kindly videoed for me.

Anyways, this brings me to gosh, a new year! 2023. Feels weird saying and even weirder reading it like it should be a year in a futuristic movie lol. But, nope, here we all are in a new year and I hope one in which we should not take for granted, a year in which we allow ourselves to grow, be it mentally, emotionally, physically, personally, or spiritually. I know I want to be more focused on finishing the second book in a series I'm writing* one that continues to nag at me lol. I need to continue to work on a stand-alone book that is itching at the corners of my mind too. Then, being in our church Relief Society Presidency means I am in charge of overseeing and planning activities.  Thank goodness our Jan one is an easy one - Cocoa, Cookies, and Chit-chat.

Anyhow... Below are some pictures of the past 5 months. 

The kitchen is demolished!

Carys and me - I smell children :)

Me & Richard Marx!

Our Trip to DC

YEAH! How pretty does our new Kitchen look?

Dad x I will always miss you & now your with mam x

My sister Judith & I at Carreg Cennen Castle picking up Welsh wool blankets.

Carys at her gymnastics showcase

My eldest daughter Jodi, her hubby Simon and girls, Hannah, Alice, and Evelyn

CHRISTMAS TIME

Evelyn

Hannah & Alice.

Blessings, love, joy to all for this new year x

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Wales Holiday

We'll Keep A  Welcome in the Hillside.

This song title always runs through my head when I get to fly home to Wales and finally after 6 years, we got to go home for a long overdue visit. Mind you, this song always chokes me up and I can't stop tears from welling in my eyes :/ It's a song that we would sing whenever visitors/ loved ones leave Wales with the hopes that one day they will come back to Wales again.

I digress. 

I finally went home for a visit - sound the trumpets :) We went as a family, Jason came for the first week with me and the girls, Seren and Carys, and boy, was it a busy first week.

We tried to cram as much as we could even though it rained! Typical lol and divide our time with my older children who live there, my father, sisters and visiting the sites. So with that, I hope you like my little picture montage ;)

 HERE WE ARE READY TO TAKE OFF - MIND YOU, JASON DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO FALL STRAIGHT TO SLEEP

WE GET TO MY HOMETOWN OF LLANELLI AND GO VISIT MY DAD

 SEREN WENT STRAIGHT TO HER GRANDPA FOR A HUG THEN CARYS FOLLOWED SUIT.

I COULDN'T GO HOME AND NOT VISIT MY MOTHERS GRAVE :( 

 WE WENT TO CYFARTHA CASTLE IN MERTHYR TYDFIL BUT FOUND OUT IT IS CLOSED ON MONDAYS! LIKE SAY WHAT BUT WE DID GO BACK THE FOLLOWING WEEK WITH MY ELDEST DAUGHTER JODI AND HER CUTE FAMILY.

CASTLE COCH

ASHTON, SEREN, AND CARYS IN THE LORD BUTE'S BEDCHAMBER

CARYS DIDN'T WANT TO SIT IN THE BATHTUB LOL

WHEN YOU TELL YOUR CHILDREN NOT TO DISREGARD THE SIGN YET, THEY STILL STEP OVER THE ROPE!

 CARDIFF MUSEUM

DAN -Y- OGAF CAVES

THIS PLACE IS AMAZING.

TO SEE ALL THE STALICTIES AND STALAGMITES IS PRETTY COOL

CHECK OUT THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE STREAKY BACON! 

THE CATHEDRAL CAVES

MY FAVORITE CASTLE

CARREG CENNEN CASTLE

I JUST LOVE THE VIEWS 

IS THAT A CHILD IN THE CASTLE OVENS! SAY WHAT! :)

THE GIRLS DIDN'T WANT TO VENTURE DOWN TO SEE THE WATERING WELL. MIND YOU IT WAS PRETTY WET, SLIPPERY AND VERY DARK.

THE VIEW OF CARREG CENNEN ON THE WAY BACK DOWN

PARC HOWARD

WE DIDN'T GET MUCH TIME TO VISIT PARC HOWARD AS IT WAS CLOSING.

THIS IS A PLACE I'D COME ALL THE TIME AS A CHILD TO PLAY WITH MY FAMILY.

THE GRAND STAIRCASE WAS SOMETHING THAT I SLID DOWN QUITE A BIT.

THE BIG PIT 

SEREN DOESN'T LOOK TO PLEASED TO BE GOING DEEP UNDERGROUND LOL 

RAGLAN CASTLE

THE DAY WAS YET AGAIN A RAINY ONE :( SO IT WAS A PRETTY MUCH QUICK DASH AROUND RAGLAN CASTLE

HANNAH AND SEREN

SEREN AND ALICE

AND BELOW, ALED MY GRANDSON

HANNAH AND ALICE ARE SISTERS AND MY GRANDDAUGHTERS

LEFT TO RIGHT - JODI, ASHTON, CARYS, SEREN, AND HANNAH

OUR SECOND VISIT TO CYFARTHA CASTLE

LET US OUT! LOL

 AND WHO WOULD LIKE THIS BEDROOM SET FOR THEIR NEW BEDROOM!

ERM...NOT US LOL

 CUTE ALICE COULDN'T RESIST USING THIS AS A SLIDE :)

SEREN YOU'VE GOT A FEW MORE INCHES TO GROW BEFORE YOU REACH THE TOP!

              WE GOT TO SLEEPOVER AT MY BEST FRIEND, EVE'S HOME WITH HER DARLING CHILDREN, JAMES AND MILLIE

ST. FAGANS

MUSEUM OF WELSH LIFE

 WHERE'S SUPERMAN?

 IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT 'SIOP LOSIN' MEANS

IT MEANS

'SWEET SHOP' OR 'CANDY SHOP' IF YOUR AMERICAN

ME AND MY GIRLS

RIGHT TO LEFT

ASHTON, JODI, ME AND LAURIE  

                                I SPY CARYS :)                                           I SPY SEREN :)

PEEK-A-BOO ASHTON!

I SEEM TO HAVE LOST MY HEAD

OH, THERE IT IS LOL

LEFT TO RIGHT

ASHTON, KAYE MY YOUNGER SISTER, ME, ALSION MY ELDEST SISTER

AND OF COURSE SEREN AND CARYS X

MY DAD, WITH ASHTON, SEREN, AND CARYS

THEN ME WITH MY DAD XXX

MY NEXT ELDER SISTER JUDITH AND ME

JUDITH, ME AND ASHTON

ITS GOOD TO LAUGH SOMETIMES :) 

LEFT RO RIGHT

HANNAH MY GRANDDAUGHTER, CARYS, AND SEREN

MY GIRLS SLEEPING OVER AT JODI'S

AND HERE ARE ME AND THE GIRLS READY TO FLY BACK TO UTAH.

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